Funny Golf Quotes

Funny Golf Quotes

Golf may be seen as quite a serious sport, and there is some truth to this; however, this isn’t to say that humour should never be injected – we’re all up for a laugh, after all.

Once you are off the course and chatting with your fellow players, it shouldn’t all be a serious debrief and a few funny golf quotes can go a long way in lightening the mood.

Furthermore, when it comes to your golfing buddies’ birthdays, what better thing to write in their card than a funny golf quote?

In this article, we are going to lighten the mood and get stuck into some of the most hilarious golf quotes.

There is no doubt that after reading this, you will always have something humorous to throw into the mix.

The Importance Of Humour

With so much focus on mental health at the forefront of everyone’s minds, it is clear that a positive mind and happy outlook are essential.

Having a sense of humour and being able to laugh at things is an excellent way to keep your mind healthy – there is sufficient scientific evidence to show that laughter reduces stress.

And in a game like golf, where seriousness matters, things can get stressful.

But it is important not to let the stress of winning get the better of you, so if laughter is indeed the best medicine, then undoubtedly it plays an integral part in the life of the golfer.

According to Freud, laughter is a way of helping us release built-up frustrations, so when we consider this and the links to stress-relief, it isn’t difficult to understand.

So with all of this in mind, let’s lighten the mood and look at some of the ….

Most Funny Golf Quotes In The World

● When I die, make sure to bury me on the golf course – at least I know that my husband will come and visit me.

● If a man returns home with cockleburs in his pants and sand in his cuffs, don’t make the mistake of asking what he shot.

● One of the most interesting things about golf is, no matter how often you play, there is always the chance of getting worse.

● Golf is like going on a long walk but breaking it up with bad maths and a lot of disappointment.

● Golfers would always prefer a cart to a caddy since the cart cannot count, laugh or criticise their game.

● My friend once told me that the secret to being a great golfer is to only play with people who are worse than you – I wondered why my friends kept asking me for a game.

● The game of golf involves a ball that lies poorly and a player who lies well.

● So many things are learned from golf – for example, how to suffer.

● Golf is a great way to relax – and get frustrated and feel an increased sense of disappointment.

● Some say that golf is the only puzzle without an answer – you can play for years and still not figure out how to play.

● When it goes left, it’s a hook, when it goes right, it’s a slice, and when it goes straight, it’s a miracle.

● I only hit two good balls all day – and that was when I stepped on a rake.

● Once upon a time, golf was reserved for arrogant and wealthy people – now it’s open to anyone who owns terribly ugly clothing.

● There are only two things in life that you can be terrible at but still enjoy – sex and golf.

● Whoever came up with the phrase ‘practice makes perfect’ has clearly never played a round of golf.

● Early to bed and early to rise – play golf all day and come up with lies.

● GOLF – get out, leave family.

● I’d much prefer a terrible day playing golf than a perfect day at work.

● Golf balls are just like eggs – they’re round and white and come in dozens, and a week later, you need to buy some more.

● There aren’t many games as unusual as golf – when you have a good day, you cannot wait to get back out there, but when you have a bad day – you cannot wait to get back out there.

● Golf has made many millionaires – it’s just that many of them were once billionaires.

● The world golf is flog backwards – and that is precisely what this game is – self-flogging and spending all your money.

● Did you know that women actually invented golf as a way of getting their husbands out of the house?

● If you’re not sure what frustration and disappointment feel like – play ten minutes of golf.

● He ain’t no tiger – he’s a cheetah!

● I never knew that golf could be such a spiritual game – did I tell you that I found Jesus on the golf course? Well, at least, his name was mentioned quite a few times.

● It’s not difficult to learn the names of bad golfers; they’re always swearing at themselves.

Golfing Jokes

A funny golf quote is excellent, but we’ve also a passion for a punchline.

Check out these hilarious golfing jokes that will make complete sense to anyone who loves the game.

● What is the best diet for a golfer? Live on greens.

● Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one.

● A man on holiday goes into the clubhouse and is met by one of the staff, who asks him ‘Did you have a good time out there?’ ‘It was great, thank you.” he replied, then to be asked, “How did you find the greens?” “Quite easily, I just walked to the end of the fairways, and they were right there.”

● A man approaches the 18th hole and notices a lake nearby. He turns to his caddy and tells him “I have had such a terrible day at golf today that I’m considering drowning myself in that lake.” The caddy turns to him and replies “I doubt you’d be able to keep your head down long enough.”

● Why is golf better than fishing? Because when a golfer lies, he doesn’t need to bring anything home to prove himself.

● Where do you find 100 doctors all at the same time? On the golf course.

The Long One - Joining The Wife And The Doctor On The Golf Course

A man decides that he is going to join his wife on the golf course.

Having never played before, he doesn’t really know what to expect – after all, he has never been much of a golf fan.

However, since his wife has been playing around so many men, he felt it was his duty to come and check it out.

He isn’t enjoying himself, and he spends most of the day complaining about how hot it is, how annoying the other people are and about how long the game is taking…

They make it to the 9th green and out of nowhere, the man suffers an incredible heart attack and falls to the ground.
“Help me.” he pleads with his wife.

She takes out her phone and calls 999, she talks for a few minutes and then hangs up. She picks up the putter and lines up her putt.

Her husband, lying beside her on the green, looks up at her and says “I’m dying and you’re putting?”

His wife looks down at him and says “Don’t worry darling, they have found a doctor who is on the second hole, and he is coming to help you.”

“Will it take him long to get to me?”
“Not at all” the wife replies. “They’ve already agreed to let him play through.”


Golf doesn’t always need to be serious, and when we look at how stressful this game can be, it becomes even more clear that we need a little humour adding to it.

These funny golf quotes and hilarious jokes will always give you something to smile about, and just remember when you’re on the course, and you’re feeling a little frustrated – don’t let that ‘putt’ you off your game.

At Eat Sleep Golf Repeat we also love great golf saying so read our article HERE.